She Believed She Could, So She Did

Thursday, October 13, 2016

Marriage and Family: The Quest for Intimacy- I Like This!

As I was reading my Marriage and Family textbook today I found an interesting factor about liking your spouse. In a study of 351 long term marriages, the only criteria was being married for a minimum of 15 years. Then a follow-up study of 100 couples married for 45 years or more. They all had a similar view; which was, that the most important factor is liking your spouse! Liking the kind of person to whom you are married, appreciating the kind of person he or she is. Two quotes directly from my book that emphasize this point are these two comments. "I feel that liking a person in marriage is as important as loving that person. I have to like him so I will love him when things aren't so rosy. Friends enjoy each other's company- enjoy doing things together. That's why friendship really ranks high in my reasons for our happy marriage." From the perspective of a husband he summed up the importance of friendship and liking when he said, "Jen is just the best friend I have. I would rather spend time with her, talk with her, be with her than anyone else." And a wife noted that she liked the kind of person her husband was so much that she would want to be friends with him even If she wasn't married to him. To me, liking each other and sharing similar values is key to a happy marriage.

"It is only a myth that people marry each other purely out of love." One woman said of course so many other factors are important, such as humor(which I like) and the ability to handle conflict constructively together. Love this! I believe it is not just finding the right person but liking each other and sharing similar values, and working together to form a life. I like this! I like this a lot! Because of this chapter I am going to make sure that whomever I date and go forward in a serious relationship I will realize how important it is to like that person.

P.S I hope you "like" this post!:)

Annie Rigby

Saturday, October 1, 2016

Understanding Family Dynamics and Theories- Counsel and Family Councils

Home has always been a place of comfort and safety for me. President James E. Faust said, "In addition to temples, surely another holy place on earth ought to be our homes. The feelings of holiness in my home prepared me for the feelings of holiness in the temple." In this post I want to write about two things I feel will help the family dynamics of any home. They are family rules and family councils. Some of my thoughts will come from M. Russell Ballard's General Conference talk in April 2016. Family Rules help unite families with purpose, direction, and safety. I found a list of 11 family rules that I love.

1. We never give up.

2. We say I'm sorry.

3. We like to have fun.

4. We say please and thank you.

5. We give big hugs.

6. We are crazy.

7. We do forgiveness.

8. We make mistakes.

9. We give second chances.

10. We chase dreams.

11. We say I love you.

Imagine how much help this would offer a family if they incorporated these rules. During class this week we discussed unspoken rules within our homes, some of them were really funny! One classmate said that if they went shopping and bought stuff that it was an unspoken rule to not tell dad! That's funny and bad at the same time! Tonight I asked my parents what they felt was the one unspoken rule that we had in our family, and it was to always express gratitude. When I looked up the definition of gratitude it states: the quality of being thankful: readiness to show appreciation for, and to return kindness. So why practice gratitude in a family? I think it brings happiness and boosts positive emotions. Gratitude reduces anxiety and depression. Gratitude strengthens relationships. Grateful people are helpful and look past themselves to serve others. I love how our prophet President Thomas S. Monson said, "Have an Attitude of Gratitude." President Joseph F. Smith was asked, how can we cultivate an attitude of gratitude? He answered by saying, "The grateful man sees so much in the world to be thankful for, and with him the good outweighs the evil."

Elder Ballard gave a talk in April 2016 General Conference on Family Councils. He taught how family councils have always been needed. "We belonged to a family council in the premortal existence when we lived with our Heavenly parents as their spirit children." Elder Ballard said, "Children desperately need parents willing to listen to them and the family council can provide a time during which family members can learn to understand and love one another." He went on to explain how Alma taught, "Counsel with the Lord in all thy doings and he will direct thee for good." [Alma 37:37] Inviting the Lord to be part of our family council through prayer will improve our relationships with each other. We can, with Heavenly Father and our Savior's help become more patient, helpful, forgiving, and understanding as we pray for help. With Their help, we can make our homes a little bit of heaven here on earth." (M. Russell Ballard, Family Council, address given at General Conference, April 2, 2016) (page 63,64,65)

I believe family councils can strengthen, protect, and safeguard our family relationships.

Sunday, September 25, 2016

First Kiss, The Context of Intimacy

Sometimes, its just that first kiss that sets a lifetime of love, in motion. At least that was the case with my grandparents. In this chapter it asked the question to consider the most colorful story in our family and what we can learn from it. My Grandpa Ray Wendell Rigby is now 93 years old and still tells the story of meeting the love of his life, Lola Jean Cook. I love that her middle name is my middle name. Lola worked as a movie ticket girl at the Paramount Theatre in Idaho Falls, Idaho. That is where Grandpa Ray saw her for the first time. Ray Rigby was a country farm boy from Hibbard near Rexburg. Picture in your mind two boys on a double date with two beautiful girls. My Grandpa Ray was in the back seat of the car with his date, which was not Lola. In fact Lola was in the front seat on a date with Wilford Anderson, my Grandpa's best friend. Ray was pretty smooth and handsome. I actually can't believe that his tactic worked, but it did that night. My Grandpa Ray said to Wilford and Lola, "You know my date had to leave early and I didn't even get a goodnight kiss. Wilford, do you think that it would be alright if Lola would give me a kiss goodnight? Wilford didn't have time to say yes or no because Lola turned around and leaned over the seat and gave my Grandpa a goodnight kiss. My Grandpa Rigby tells how that was the beginning of their love story and the only girl he wanted to kiss forever. They married in the Logan Temple before he went off to be a pilot in the Air Force, when Pearl Harbor was bombed by Japan. They raised a family of seven children including my father. One thing that I took from this chapter is that there is great strength and benefits of marriage and family. As I reflect on my grandparents love story I realize that their marriage was lasting and satisfying because they worked at it. They loved the Lord and served one another.

The context of intimacy in this first chapter was very enlightening. There is one part under the title well being and Intimacy by Carolyn Cutrona who said quote, "All people in all societies are driven to make intimate connections with others." I'm just glad that my Grandpa Ray Rigby made an intimate connection with my Grandma Lola Jean on that first double date so many years ago.

By Annie Jean Rigby