Someday I'm Going To Get Married!!!

Someday, I'm going to get married!  I am sure of it!  This chapter covers a few very important realities for me.  It is all about getting married. Under the title of expectations it states, " When people marry, they have certain expectations about what their marriage will involve.  They expect that marriage will make them happy and fulfilled, and that it will last.  Most people believe that the best way to have and to maintain intimacy is through marriage."  {Marriage and Family The Quest For Intimacy, Robert H. Lauer, Jeanette C. Lauer  187,188}.

  Believing that  "you're my everything" expectation is unrealistic and can lead to serious marital problems.  At the same time marriage can bring a certain amount of life satisfaction.  Studies prove that  married people are generally happier than single people.  That being said, things begin to change after a marriage begins.  Some would say, that reality sets in and rent needs to be paid, dinner prepared, and life gets busy.  Time and energy is not just devoted to each other but to everything else.
In this chapter it says, " Human life is not a honeymoon.  Marriage is not a honeymoon, but it is important to keep in mind that the exhilaration of the honeymoon can be periodically recaptured in a long-term relationship"

Now that the air has been let out of my balloon of....." I'm getting married someday!"  I'll just end this blog post with a hopeful expectation, that it's all up to me as well as my future husband to keep the honeymoon going.    

Falling in Love is the Fun Part and The Five Points of the RAM Model

Falling in love is the fun part!  It's a wonderful feeling I'm sure.   Being a romantic at heart, I look forward to all the trimmings of a relationship,love,and marriage.  One thing I know for sure, is that the Ram Model has a point!  Actually five points to be exact.  RAM stands for Relationship Attachment Model which is produced by Dr. John Van Epp. The RAM Model helps to look at how relationships should grow to become healthy relationships.  Here are the five important parts which helps bond a relationship.

1. KNOW- Know your partner. Learning about a person is a very key point to understanding if he or       she is a possible consideration for falling in love with them. The knowing comes first and
     trust develops.

2-TRUST- Trust your partner. The more you know about your partner can help you develop a feeling
    of trust for them.

3-RELY- Reliance grows from the ways you meet another persons needs, as well as how they meet        your needs.

4-COMMIT- You are committed to them and the relationship.  This is that oneness and unity
   of being a couple and belonging to one another.  Being sincere, and loyal.

5-TOUCH- Sexual touch- a strong contributor to the feelings of intimacy and closeness in any romantic relationship. Often, the physical part of a relationship begins too fast leaving no room to develop the other four parts of the RAM Model. Touch is a very important element that strengthens and unifies a marriage relationship and is meant to draw a couple together as one.
   

It is a good thing when a relationship contains all 5 of these points.  However if your relationship has 4 of these they can carry you until you can work to gain all five. If a relationship is built only and foremost on touch, what will happen during the conflict of a fight?  It's hard to want to touch when you are frustrated or angry.  If you don't know and trust the person you love, what keeps a relationship together?

Understanding the  RAM Model offers a starting point  for a loving, successful relationship.  Romance aside, I believe to know, trust, rely, commit, and touch will add up to a great love story!

                           Annie