Motherhood

It has been said that, "Motherhood is a choice you make everyday, to put someone else's happiness and well being ahead of your own, to teach the hard lessons, to do the right thing even when you're not sure what the right thing is." -Donna Bell. My mother is the best example of motherhood to me.

I grew up in a home full of love, laughter, joy, and hard work. My parents taught my family and I at a very young age that if you want something, you have to work for it.  My parents met at Ricks
College, married, started a family, worked hard at a now 40 plus year old business in Rexburg.  My mother worked as a medical receptionist through college, and then was able to be a homemaker and mother while they raised a family of five children.  Often, my mother would say that all she ever wanted to be was a mother, and I can honestly say, she's good at it.  She serves, loves, listens, helps, comforts, and works to make home a place of safety and peace.  She believes in me. Her mothering skills are endless. Growing up, I felt a sense of well being, knowing that when I walked into the house after school, my mom would be there. Those childhood days growing up in a loving home with a mother and father are cherished memories.  

It is getting harder to be a stay at home mom today, but hope I will have that option as a future mother.  Hopefully working from home or part-time would be an ideal. I feel the relationship you build with your children at a young age will help them for the rest of their life. I'm grateful for the relationship I have with my mom that has grown throughout the years. Being a full time mother is one of the greatest responsibilities and blessings a woman can have. I believe it is a calling to be a mother. To be able to nurture, teach,and inspire a child as a mother is an incredible opportunity.  It's something I hope will be in my future.

The joy of motherhood comes in moments. There will be hard times and frustrating times. But amid the challenges there are shining moments of joy and satisfaction. -Elder M. Russell Ballard.



My mother was 37 years old when she gave birth to me. Thank you mamma! I love you!

Communication Is Key!

I believe communication is key in every family! We need to recognize how tone and nonverbal communication impact our cooperation. Some of the nonverbal behaviors are posture and body orientation, eye contact, facial expressions, gestures, touch, personal space, and tone of voice. The pitch of our voice shows our true feelings when we talk. It's important for married couples to make decisions effectively. When we communicate with others of our feelings and be open then it flows in a better way. In all of our relationships we should build trust, and make sure we understand what we people are saying. The biggest communication problem is we do not listen to understand. We listen to reply. I have learned by listening to what somebody says, and I get a lot more out of what they're talking about. In all of my relationships I know that by talking about how I feel is important so it doesn't leave that person guessing.

Improving your listening skills takes practice with everyone. You have to resist distractions, control emotions and tendency to respond, and ask questions. 

Words- 14% 

Tone- 31%

Non Verbal- 51% 

Total=100% 

We can never not communicate. I know a lot of people like to check their phones instead of listen to you, which is so improper. They think looking at that message is more important. I believe you have to be thoughtful and recognize that their is more work in communicating. Family counsels are so important for our lives. We should have no contention when counseling. It's good to start with prayer, be in a sacred place, express love-appreciation, sacred time, the Lords will, and end with prayer for every counsel. Going into a meeting prepared helps us be open and know what we're doing. 

I want to have counsels with my future husband and family to know about everything. I want communication to be key in my future family. I look at my parents example and how they communicate to each other about anything, which is awesome! 

Coping in Family Crises

Every family must deal with times of stress and crisis.  Its one of the greatest challenges we face in life.  The daily battle of stress. Stress is a normal part of life. Stress can motivate you to get something done.  Families as well as individuals battle daily stressors that effect them to the point of crisis. What kinds of stressor events result in family crisis?  The death of a child is one of the most severe crises anyone faces. The suffering and pain for a family is unimaginable.  Severe trauma like this is more than most families can handle.  

Some of the common stressor's of a crisis are death, serious illness, accidents, loss of work, an unwanted pregnancy, moving, alcohol abuse, and infidelity. Next to death, separation, and divorce, family violence is the most difficult experience people confront. 

People react to crisis in different ways.  We know that we can't control what happens to us, but we can try to control how we respond to life crisis.  Ineffective coping patterns leave people at a lower level of functioning. Denial, avoidance, and scapegoating are ineffective coping patterns.  Effective coping is facilitated by developing family strengths.  It is taking responsibility, affirming individual and family worth, balancing self concern with other concerns, and finding and using available resources. 

I found a quote by President Howard W. Hunter that he said, "Please remember this one thing. If our lives and our faith are centered upon Jesus Christ and His restored gospel, nothing can ever go permanently wrong." (BYU Devotional Speeches, 13 March 1989, p.112). 

Our Part in the Plan of Salvation

I want to teach my children that sex is sacred. Sex is a procreative power to bring spirits to earth, to experience the plan of salvation. I believe this is the most sacred thing on earth. This is the first step to the fathers plan, bringing his children to earth. We are so lucky to assist in this first step in the plan of salvation. Elder Holland says, "It would be better not to address the topic than to damage it with casualty."

The plan has been set for children to come to families, families who obey God and raise their children in love and honor. This first step can't work unless it is a righteous family that the child is brought to. The second point is that families assist God in the plan of salvation as they raise their children in love and honor. God allows all of his children to have this wonderful plan be brought to pass, and then teaching their children. It is so magnificent of our father to give us this opportunity in his perfect plan. I love him and so grateful for this.

I testify that if we are worthy, active, and keeping our covenants we can be blessed in God's wonderful plan of salvation.

"Sex is Good, its a Gift From God, it's Worth the Wait."

We can learn from sex therapist, Laura Botherson, that it is important to speak to ones child about sex at key phases in the child's life. Before the age of eight, before puberty, and before marriage. The parents attitudes and beliefs about sex greatly influence the understanding and comfort of the child.

Doctor Botherson strongly suggests that children will have a better sex life after marriage, if their parents adequately prepare them in their adolescent years. Sex can be a topic in Mormon culture that many parents dance around and avoid. This leaves the children with a lack of understanding and the important role it plays in marriage.

I think it would be a good idea to teach that sex is a sacred thing to our children. Intimacy is a great way to know each other, and is so important. Every topic of covenant keeping in marriage is a big role in marital success, and each should be taught to the child with care and consideration.

Someday I'm Going To Get Married!!!

Someday, I'm going to get married!  I am sure of it!  This chapter covers a few very important realities for me.  It is all about getting married. Under the title of expectations it states, " When people marry, they have certain expectations about what their marriage will involve.  They expect that marriage will make them happy and fulfilled, and that it will last.  Most people believe that the best way to have and to maintain intimacy is through marriage."  {Marriage and Family The Quest For Intimacy, Robert H. Lauer, Jeanette C. Lauer  187,188}.

  Believing that  "you're my everything" expectation is unrealistic and can lead to serious marital problems.  At the same time marriage can bring a certain amount of life satisfaction.  Studies prove that  married people are generally happier than single people.  That being said, things begin to change after a marriage begins.  Some would say, that reality sets in and rent needs to be paid, dinner prepared, and life gets busy.  Time and energy is not just devoted to each other but to everything else.
In this chapter it says, " Human life is not a honeymoon.  Marriage is not a honeymoon, but it is important to keep in mind that the exhilaration of the honeymoon can be periodically recaptured in a long-term relationship"

Now that the air has been let out of my balloon of....." I'm getting married someday!"  I'll just end this blog post with a hopeful expectation, that it's all up to me as well as my future husband to keep the honeymoon going.    

Falling in Love is the Fun Part and The Five Points of the RAM Model

Falling in love is the fun part!  It's a wonderful feeling I'm sure.   Being a romantic at heart, I look forward to all the trimmings of a relationship,love,and marriage.  One thing I know for sure, is that the Ram Model has a point!  Actually five points to be exact.  RAM stands for Relationship Attachment Model which is produced by Dr. John Van Epp. The RAM Model helps to look at how relationships should grow to become healthy relationships.  Here are the five important parts which helps bond a relationship.

1. KNOW- Know your partner. Learning about a person is a very key point to understanding if he or       she is a possible consideration for falling in love with them. The knowing comes first and
     trust develops.

2-TRUST- Trust your partner. The more you know about your partner can help you develop a feeling
    of trust for them.

3-RELY- Reliance grows from the ways you meet another persons needs, as well as how they meet        your needs.

4-COMMIT- You are committed to them and the relationship.  This is that oneness and unity
   of being a couple and belonging to one another.  Being sincere, and loyal.

5-TOUCH- Sexual touch- a strong contributor to the feelings of intimacy and closeness in any romantic relationship. Often, the physical part of a relationship begins too fast leaving no room to develop the other four parts of the RAM Model. Touch is a very important element that strengthens and unifies a marriage relationship and is meant to draw a couple together as one.
   

It is a good thing when a relationship contains all 5 of these points.  However if your relationship has 4 of these they can carry you until you can work to gain all five. If a relationship is built only and foremost on touch, what will happen during the conflict of a fight?  It's hard to want to touch when you are frustrated or angry.  If you don't know and trust the person you love, what keeps a relationship together?

Understanding the  RAM Model offers a starting point  for a loving, successful relationship.  Romance aside, I believe to know, trust, rely, commit, and touch will add up to a great love story!

                           Annie