Someday I'm Going To Get Married!!!

Someday, I'm going to get married!  I am sure of it!  This chapter covers a few very important realities for me.  It is all about getting married. Under the title of expectations it states, " When people marry, they have certain expectations about what their marriage will involve.  They expect that marriage will make them happy and fulfilled, and that it will last.  Most people believe that the best way to have and to maintain intimacy is through marriage."  {Marriage and Family The Quest For Intimacy, Robert H. Lauer, Jeanette C. Lauer  187,188}.

  Believing that  "you're my everything" expectation is unrealistic and can lead to serious marital problems.  At the same time marriage can bring a certain amount of life satisfaction.  Studies prove that  married people are generally happier than single people.  That being said, things begin to change after a marriage begins.  Some would say, that reality sets in and rent needs to be paid, dinner prepared, and life gets busy.  Time and energy is not just devoted to each other but to everything else.
In this chapter it says, " Human life is not a honeymoon.  Marriage is not a honeymoon, but it is important to keep in mind that the exhilaration of the honeymoon can be periodically recaptured in a long-term relationship"

Now that the air has been let out of my balloon of....." I'm getting married someday!"  I'll just end this blog post with a hopeful expectation, that it's all up to me as well as my future husband to keep the honeymoon going.    

Falling in Love is the Fun Part and The Five Points of the RAM Model

Falling in love is the fun part!  It's a wonderful feeling I'm sure.   Being a romantic at heart, I look forward to all the trimmings of a relationship,love,and marriage.  One thing I know for sure, is that the Ram Model has a point!  Actually five points to be exact.  RAM stands for Relationship Attachment Model which is produced by Dr. John Van Epp. The RAM Model helps to look at how relationships should grow to become healthy relationships.  Here are the five important parts which helps bond a relationship.

1. KNOW- Know your partner. Learning about a person is a very key point to understanding if he or       she is a possible consideration for falling in love with them. The knowing comes first and
     trust develops.

2-TRUST- Trust your partner. The more you know about your partner can help you develop a feeling
    of trust for them.

3-RELY- Reliance grows from the ways you meet another persons needs, as well as how they meet        your needs.

4-COMMIT- You are committed to them and the relationship.  This is that oneness and unity
   of being a couple and belonging to one another.  Being sincere, and loyal.

5-TOUCH- Sexual touch- a strong contributor to the feelings of intimacy and closeness in any romantic relationship. Often, the physical part of a relationship begins too fast leaving no room to develop the other four parts of the RAM Model. Touch is a very important element that strengthens and unifies a marriage relationship and is meant to draw a couple together as one.
   

It is a good thing when a relationship contains all 5 of these points.  However if your relationship has 4 of these they can carry you until you can work to gain all five. If a relationship is built only and foremost on touch, what will happen during the conflict of a fight?  It's hard to want to touch when you are frustrated or angry.  If you don't know and trust the person you love, what keeps a relationship together?

Understanding the  RAM Model offers a starting point  for a loving, successful relationship.  Romance aside, I believe to know, trust, rely, commit, and touch will add up to a great love story!

                           Annie

Diversity in Families

Family and the Meaning of Family in a Diverse World

I love my family.  I am the baby in a family of five children.  I have a loving Father who provides and protects us.  He is an example of honor, strength, and service to God, and his role as a husband, father, as well as a grandfather.  I have a mother who loves, nurtures and supports me in all I do.  Her example of service and devotion to family is an example that I hope to follow.  I have one older brother and he is the best big brother I could ask for.  I have three beautiful older sisters who are all married now and raising beautiful families with their husbands.  I love my sisters so much.  Family plays a very important part in my life.  These individual relationships strengthen and help me become the person I want to be.  I haven't even mentioned, my extended family, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins who play a gigantic role in our family structure.  Of, course, not all families have two parents.  Some are composed of single parent homes.  There are mixed races and some with two adults of the same sex with or without children.  Which comes to my post about the diversity in families today.

 The question, what is meant by family?  In Marriage and Family, The Quest for Intimacy, chapter 2 it states, the way to define family is to identify its functions. Anthropologist have identified four functions that all families fulfill: sexual relations, reproduction, socialization of children, and economic cooperation, This view is somewhat lacking to me.  Another definition of family is a group united by marriage.  It's interesting to note that over 20 years ago, President Gordon B. Hinckley introduced The Family, A Proclamation To The World. Who could imagine how important it would become in defending marriage and family today?  Whatever type of family we belong too still needs some of the very same values to hold families together.  Love, respect, support, and sharing are vital in all types of families.  Every family has strengths as well as challenges. I know that diversity in families is a fact of life.  What matters most is love.

Consider Therapy

Some people are labeled because they are gay or homosexual, but I learned in class that you don't see them you see the label, which is kind of sad. You want to see any person as a child of God. I think that people are socialized as well as tempted to be gay. Whether that be through abuse, childhood experiences, or rejection from others of their same sex. I don't know all the reasons why people feel homosexual feelings, but I do know that these feelings have the potential to be overcome through therapy, like a porn addiction, depression, anxiety, or any other mental illness or addiction we deal with. Yes, it will be hard. And yes, it is a real struggle. I firmly believe that there is nothing the Atonement of Jesus Christ cannot heal. If we have the desire to change, and the desire to heal, he can heal us. But, we have to have the desire. This change could take a lifetime, some may never overcome homosexual temptations in this life, just like others may never be completely free from the temptation of pornography. I do know that we can overcome everything with Christ. Even if you still feel tempted till the day that you die, you can overcome the desire to act on your temptation, with Jesus Christ. He loves you, and anything is possible with him. I truly believe that Heavenly Father did not make people "gay" but I do believe that he gives us trials and that is a trial for some.

-"With God, nothing shall be impossible." Matthew 19:26

Marriage and Family: The Quest for Intimacy- I Like This!

As I was reading my Marriage and Family textbook today I found an interesting factor about liking your spouse. In a study of 351 long term marriages, the only criteria was being married for a minimum of 15 years. Then a follow-up study of 100 couples married for 45 years or more. They all had a similar view; which was, that the most important factor is liking your spouse! Liking the kind of person to whom you are married, appreciating the kind of person he or she is. Two quotes directly from my book that emphasize this point are these two comments. "I feel that liking a person in marriage is as important as loving that person. I have to like him so I will love him when things aren't so rosy. Friends enjoy each other's company- enjoy doing things together. That's why friendship really ranks high in my reasons for our happy marriage." From the perspective of a husband he summed up the importance of friendship and liking when he said, "Jen is just the best friend I have. I would rather spend time with her, talk with her, be with her than anyone else." And a wife noted that she liked the kind of person her husband was so much that she would want to be friends with him even If she wasn't married to him. To me, liking each other and sharing similar values is key to a happy marriage.

"It is only a myth that people marry each other purely out of love." One woman said of course so many other factors are important, such as humor(which I like) and the ability to handle conflict constructively together. Love this! I believe it is not just finding the right person but liking each other and sharing similar values, and working together to form a life. I like this! I like this a lot! Because of this chapter I am going to make sure that whomever I date and go forward in a serious relationship I will realize how important it is to like that person.

P.S I hope you "like" this post!:) 

                                                              Annie Rigby 

Understanding Family Dynamics and Theories- Counsel and Family Councils

Home has always been a place of comfort and safety for me. President James E. Faust said, "In addition to temples, surely another holy place on earth ought to be our homes. The feelings of holiness in my home prepared me for the feelings of holiness in the temple." In this post I want to write about two things I feel will help the family dynamics of any home. They are family rules and family councils. Some of my thoughts will come from M. Russell Ballard's General Conference talk in April 2016. Family Rules help unite families with purpose, direction, and safety. I found a list of 11 family rules that I love.

1. We never give up.

2. We say I'm sorry.

3. We like to have fun.

4. We say please and thank you.

5. We give big hugs. 

6. We are crazy.

7. We do forgiveness. 

8. We make mistakes.

9. We give second chances.

10. We chase dreams.

11. We say I love you.

Imagine how much help this would offer a family if they incorporated these rules. During class this week we discussed unspoken rules within our homes, some of them were really funny! One classmate said that if they went shopping and bought stuff that it was an unspoken rule to not tell dad! That's funny and bad at the same time! Tonight I asked my parents what they felt was the one unspoken rule that we had in our family, and it was to always express gratitude. When I looked up the definition of gratitude it states: the quality of being thankful: readiness to show appreciation for, and to return kindness. So why practice gratitude in a family? I think it brings happiness and boosts positive emotions. Gratitude reduces anxiety and depression. Gratitude strengthens relationships. Grateful people are helpful and look past themselves to serve others. I love how our prophet President Thomas S. Monson said, "Have an Attitude of Gratitude." President Joseph F. Smith was asked, how can we cultivate an attitude of gratitude? He answered by saying, "The grateful man sees so much in the world to be thankful for, and with him the good outweighs the evil." 

Elder Ballard gave a talk in April 2016 General Conference on Family Councils. He taught how family councils have always been needed. "We belonged to a family council in the premortal existence when we lived with our Heavenly parents as their spirit children." Elder Ballard said, "Children desperately need parents willing to listen to them and the family council can provide a time during which family members can learn to understand and love one another." He went on to explain how Alma taught, "Counsel with the Lord in all thy doings and he will direct thee for good." [Alma 37:37]  Inviting the Lord to be part of our family council through prayer will improve our relationships with each other. We can, with Heavenly Father and our Savior's help become more patient, helpful, forgiving, and understanding as we pray for help. With Their help, we can make our homes a little bit of heaven here on earth." (M. Russell Ballard, Family Council, address given at General Conference, April 2, 2016) (page 63,64,65) 

I believe family councils can strengthen, protect, and safeguard our family relationships.